Dear Diary,
I’ve spent another night sleeping in someone else’s house
Another night drinking off someone elses beer
Another night breathing in someone else’s smoke
Another morning
Trying to pick up my dignity along with the discarded bits of clothing
Soaked in the smell of miller lite and shame
Have I had enough yet?
Have my feet been callused enough by long walks home on weekend mornings
Chilled by the early morning breeze on my bare knees
Enough red lipstick smeared across my face like a kamikaze wave
Have I hit the ground yet?
Or has the mattress of another lover cushioned my fall again
The smoke from another joint lifted me up again
Have I stopped coming down yet
Have I stopped falling yet?
Or am I too busy tracing the needle marks on my arm into constellations
Trying to pass the time until my next fix gets me to the moon
Trying to pretend that the grey pallor of my skin is just evidence of the galaxies inside me
There are no worlds in my blood
Just vices threatening to tear me apart
Just the maggots i've been cradling in these prick marked arms for years
Have I tired of empty affections yet?
Its been 3 months since I've seen myself in that mirror that i'm so close to
My closest friends are fiends
The only warmth they hold is the fire in their lungs and the smoke on their breath
They hold no love for me here
These streets are as cold and empty as jail cells and seem to work just the same
I’m trapped in a perpetual ploy to prohibit my progress
In a never ending cycle of puff puff pass
Its been much too hard to keep off the grass
How many times have they made me blow for blow
How much longer until these worms i've been keeping at bay return?
Until they feast on my decaying flesh
Tear apart the sanity i tried so hard to maintain
Until they claim me whole
Do you know they call me alice now?
So lost in my wonderland
Down the rabbit hole
I've forgotten how to find my way home
Like Hansel and Gretel
Lost in the woods
Dropping bread crumbs of my soul
I tried to find it at the bottoms of bottles
But it never seemed to be there
Poor Alice.
Just keep smiling
I'm too gone to care
Thats why the Cheshire Cat smiles so much you know
So no one notices that thats all he has left
Don't you know the Mad Hatter spikes the tea?
Button button who’s got the button
But it always seems to be me
I can't tell if I'm tripping down the yellow brick road or just tripping
You know the music stopped ages ago but I’m still dancing
I can't stop dancing.
It’s all just so groovy
The room’s spinning anyway, might as well join it
I cant feel my legs anymore ...

Is this what fun feels like?
Lucy may be in the sky with diamonds
But Alice has been lingering too long in the stratosphere
Doesn't matter how high I get
I’ll never reach the stars from here.
The only difference between me and Alice now is Alice was dreaming
And I can't seem to wake up.
How does it feel to be trapped inside your own mind?
Go ask Alice.
I’m still not free enough to tell you.