I am perfectly fine.

Nothing wrong with me.

But am I sure?

No.

I am happy.

No, I should be happy.

But why do I feel like I want to be sad?

Like I want to be unhappy?

It's like a rain cloud is following me around, hovering above me, full of water, waiting to burst.

I'm looking up, coaxing it.

Saying, "Come on, rain. It's okay, just rain. Please?"

But it won't.

So I am only left with the rain cloud, without the rain.

Taunting and torturing me, it's there and I know it's there.

Its presence is always there!

But it points its finger at me and laughs. 

Mocking me and my wanted, unncecessary sorrow.

Sometimes it's guarded by my umbrella, and sometimes the sound and company of other people makes me forget it's there.

But if it still is?

How am I to explain?

I can't.

I don't know the answers to these ridiculous questions.

And when I state my uncertainty, it's questioned again and not believed.

So then,

    I am only just the lying girl with the rain cloud.

 

[mandie•marie]