For a Friend
Sometimes,
my mind wanders and I begin to
think about fear.
Some people might say that
they are afraid of Spiders
or Heights
or maybe the Dark.
I for one, always say that
I am terrified of drowning,
and I am terrified of falling.
The thing is, I’m not just
afraid of driving off bridges and
being unable to escape-
I am truly afraid of falling
into my own black hole,
being unable to breathe,
and drowning in my thoughts.
I can see myself edging my
sneakers to the side of a cliff
and leaning forward,
but nobody is ever there
to catch me if I fall.
I have a friend who knows
how it feels to be lost
in his own home,
and he knows what it’s like
to get stuck underwater.
Some people told him to paddle harder,
while others didn’t believe
that he was even drowning at all.
I know that he peers over a cliff,
just as I do,
and I know that he is afraid
to fall off,
because he doesn’t know whether
there will be anyone there to catch him.
The thing is,
I promise him that I am standing
at the bottom of the valley
with arms open wide,
and a smile on my face.
This friend of mine understands
that sticks and stones may
break my bones, but that
words live through eternity.
But- for every harsh syllable that
crept out of his mouth,
my friend handed me tens of thousands
of confirmations on a silver platter.
Though he might not ever understand,
these are some of the only things that
have helped me keep my head above water,
and have kept me from drowning.
This afternoon,
I let my thoughts wander again
to that funny thing called fear.
My hands still shake when I think
about the fact that someday,
I might drown in my thoughts,
and my stomach still clenches
at the idea that
I might fall off a cliff again,
just as I did about one year back.
But, I think I am learning
to grasp the notion that
even if I trip
and I tip over the ledge,
I will always have a friend there
to catch me
if I fall.