Every day flying by numbly,
Until the day I decided
the numbness coincided
with failing to forgive myself
I went under it, over it,
around it, but never through it
because that is where
I see her lying there - my mother passed away
because I didnt stay. I didn't stay home,
I chose to go out and when I returned
I had no doubt.
Year after year of living in fear,
"What would it feel like to forgive myself?"
One day I decided,
it was in or out.
In? Forgive and live again.
Out? Cease to exist.
I knew I needed to stay,
and forgiving myself began that same day.
And today, I am unrecognizable from the black hole I was then.
I slip every now and again.
But I no longer live in fear,
and the two lessons I learned are clear:
1. It was never my fault.
2. Forgiveness is not scary.
It never will be.