I should have seen death coming

You strutted up to me

In your too tight tar black pants

Too cool to know esoteric T-shirt

And said, “You’re beautiful,”

How I needed to hear that word

So instead I saw a misunderstood Christian kid

With an acutely sharpened wit                        

And a way of welding words into beautiful bronze sentences

That would have made Hephaestus jealous

 

Angry

Is the understatement of the century

Your name fills my stomach with three week old clam chowder

Makes my fists curl and itch with restrained power

To inflict throbbing pain

In the middle of your face

You boil my blood hot enough to cook pasta aldente

 

Screw the 7 wonders of the world

The pyramids might as well be cardboard

The roman coliseum fake

Compared your broken body

Unrecognizably battered face

In a well-lit display case

 

I HATE YOU

I hate the way you lured me into feeling safe

Coaxed my half healed heart

With pretty words, promised perfection

But the worst part?

When your scaled skin grazed mine

You infected me with the monster disease

Turned me into the twisted type of creature

Who turns on a friend

When you kissed me

Your phone was tucked inside your pocket

About to burst with sweet nothing messages to her

I lied for you

Under the illusion I could shield anyone from getting hurt

 

Yes, that included you

But I can swear on my own furtively shed tears

I haven’t missed you once

 

Because you were too hard on me

You were always too hard on me

 

Told me I often spoke without thinking

Told me I used words when I didn’t fully understand their meaning

You’re sooooo smart since your school schedule is riddled with the letters “A” and “P”

 

But were you thinking when you said “I love you” to two girls simultaneously?

Or did you just not fully understand those three word’s meaning

You’re sooooo screwed up; even my affinity with the abuse afflicted won’t grant you forgiveness

 

Not at least until I forgive myself

So settle in since self-forgiveness isn’t my specialty

Plus there’s a laundry list

Of dumb things I’ve done that take precedence