I won’t let thinking paralyze me,
make moments mere drizzles of joy.
Life has a lot of things to ponder,
but happiness is something I shouldn’t ask myself about.
Then why are sunsets lackluster,
pure moments lost?
Why are clouds crushing me?
Why can’t I rise above my threshold of incompetence
to your levels of class?
Perhaps I’m not made for your lives.
for first kisses in rain,
Maybe I’m better
walking over your perfectly painted lines
to drive on dirt roads to bridges to nowhere,
not racing even though there are no speed limit signs
because that’s just who I am.
Maybe I’ve been pretending all these years,
appeasing your dictator ways.
for it takes an extraordinary soul
to recognize the futility of adjusting and realigning
themselves to this society,
seeing the disappointments coming to bite off your eyes
and feed them to your demons.
My greatest prayers can’t come true
unless I forego who I think I should be
and put on the little black dress
proclaiming ‘this is me.
It’s going to take a bigger avalanche than society
to completely destroy me’