The gardens of my youth have become overgrown
With dandelions and nettles.
We used to tame these weeds to clear our minds.
When I told you that they were just as beautiful
As our blossoming flowers,
You told me that I was like a daisy,
Innocent and hopeful.
Now these memories are just
Forget-me-nots of you.
I try to nurture your features,
The sound of your voice,
But I only have poisonous memories as a fertilizer.
I can’t think of the color of the roses in your cheeks
Because you left me nine years ago,
With nothing but a bouquet of azaleas,
Wishes of good faith
That have turned to deceitful snapdragons.
You replaced the day lilies and primroses
Of my childhood love
With needles and pipes.
Poppies run rampant in your veins,
Yet, I still wish for you.
Dreams of you fill my lavender sky dreams
But the petals of the zinnias we planted
Wilt with each passing year.
Memories of the ring on your finger
Cutting into my lip like thorns.
The color of the roses I wish you would gift to me.
You let him trample my white rosebuds.
You watched him steal my innocent daisies.
So why do I yearn for your affection
And your daffodils?
I should be planting yellow carnations
In your memory.
But I can only think of honeysuckles
When I hear your name.
When the vines of your abandonment crowd my mind,
It makes it difficult for daffodils to grow.
So, for the last nine years,
I have banned forget-me-nots, tiger lillies, and honkeysuckles
From my gardens.
Because, even as I have been
Shipped from gardens to flower pots
That will never truly feel like home,
Your weeds stay with me.
Today, I am ripping out the marigolds
That you have grown in the garden of my mind,
And planting sweet peas in your honor.
Because I know the only flowers you look forward to picking
Are narcissus blossoms.
Even when I was your daisy,
You were my bleeding heart,
A tragedy that poisoned me.
Now, I am becoming my own antidote.
I have learned that forget-me-nots are useless
To those that have already been forgotten.
I have forgiven myself for the hatred
That has grow inside of me with your name as its fertilizer.
Now, I am able to plant daffodils to remind me of the life I will live without you,
White carnations to remind me of the strength your burden has given me,
And heather to remind me that dreams do come true.