i’m not afraid of heights, i tell them,

but i do fear stairs and ladders

because i fear instability

more than i do clowns or adders.

 

because i need all to be in order

in my young and fruitful life.

because i once was pushed down a flight of stairs

and stayed at the e.r. overnight.

 

all my fears come back to you,

and i hate you for it, i swear.

it wasn’t enough to beat me black and blue;

you had to stick around like you cared.

 

and here i am, brian, in my young fruitful life,

already damaged and scared.

i wish that you’d paid any kind of price

when you pushed me down that flight of stairs,

 

and down the steep steps,

flying so high,

and into the upcoming wall,

 

and down the next flight

breaking again and again,

i ricochet like a bouncy ball.

 

and into my mind

you slip again and again;

ricochet like a bouncy ball.