The First Time I Met Her Parents


So it was winter break and we decided that we would go to her parents house since she would always come to mine on holidays and occasions.  


I wore a red sweater,some boots,and leggings. She wore this terrible blue christmas sweater with converse and skinny jeans.


We walk in and like in some cliche,her mom yells “My little girl!” I’m sure that a boy with his arm around her shoulder would’ve been a pleasant surprise but her mother’s smile never faltered when she was greeting her daughter’s good friend from school!


Now her dad,he was ecstatic to see that there was no boy,just a girl. A little shy girl,with glasses and a short haircut that sort of made her look like a boy but he wasn’t one to judge. She’s harmless!

At least she isn’t some blood thirsty boy here to take my little girl away! Now,sir,that statement is only completely wrong.


Now it’s near 7 and all the relatives are piling in. From distant cousins to an uncle you’ve never met but you’ve heard funny things about.


I could tell she was nervous and I couldn’t blame her with all the crucifixes,statues of saints,jesus on top of the tree instead of a star,and all these unfamiliar eyes just watching.


We get to the dinner table and by the mid course all this small talk starts to get drowned out by that one day in kindergarten when I had a spongebob blanket and people asked if I were a boy or that other day in elementary when I got into the wrong line or when my friend and I decided it would be okay if we held hands! Nothing wrong with that,just two female friends heading to class together! Thats what we thought until people started to watch and whisper then soon it grew into people coming up and asking then soon the word spread to the staff and teachers and soon the administration then the next thing we know we can’t walk through the halls without someone yelling “dyke” or “gaaaaayyy” or “hey pussy eaters! need a mint?”  I couldn’t take it,there was no space for me to breathe with all these judging people suffocating me and telling me my sexuality is all I’ll ever be that’s all I’m known for and that’s all I’ll ever be known for because nothing is more eye catching than a feminine lesbian,until you get your haircut because you fucking wanted to!


I don’t stop thinking of this until her father tries to get me into the mix and it went a little something like this:


“So how are your parents?”


“Oh,they’re ga- great.”


“Oh,uh okay. How’s the pie?”


“Oh I dyk- like it! It’s wonderful.”


“You alright kid?”


“Yeah,just a bit frazzled is all.”


“Oh alright.”


“So I heard on the news that they found a queer frozen in the lake.”


“A what?”


“Uh a deer! A deer frozen in the lake.”

I suppose it’s safe to say that I’m real smooth when it comes to men. I like to think that I’m good at socializing with all the nodding and smiling I do but I’m sure if I know what the other person was thinking,I wouldn’t even want to see my reflection. But her mother polished the silverware,every single utensil was sparkly clean.

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