fireball
don’t remember me don’t remember don’t look at
those photos of us
that turvey topped night when
neither of us knew up from down
or if it was true that we were loved
i asked you
(three times over, i asked you)
am i pretty?
do you want me?
over and over
slurring my words to make a
painting of uncertainty
i wanted to know.
and the night was so young
with you on the playground
drinking another shot of whiskey
staring out the stars
you said yes.
i held on to your shoulder and you took
me back to home
( a makeshift tent in the woods
with my best friend only a
foot away)
and touched me
in small circles up and down my stomach
nestled into the crook of your neck.
half way through i wanted
to scream
and slap
your hands away
because i felt dirty
and not like i did before.
but i kept quiet.
how would you know?
and you looked so sad
only minutes previous
crying into my warmth
that i returned with too much enthusiasm
telling me you were worth nothing
until i silenced you with my body.
but now you have pictures of
something i want to forget
too red lips and
brash stupidity
and my fingers along the curve of your rib cage
not something joyful
rather
something secret.