At about 10 pm I found my father’s gun

It was under his bed & Under some stuff  

I was about to do something really dumb

So I looked at it and aimed it at my mug

I’m not always innocent, but I’m no thug

But as always my life still can be tough

But

I could have gotten shot in the head

But I fired it at my father’s headboard instead

And it wasn’t symbolic to

Me EVER wanting my Father dead

But that’s what he thought and said

I pleaded my case and got hit again

So let’s not pretend this has a good end

Because I got dropped off at the

Greyhound, as you sped

But

At least I’m going back to my Grandparents

Home instead until they give up again

But why did I do it?

And why did I shoot it?

Damn it, I feel so stupid but I’m only 10 & human

& At 10 years old I didn’t know what I was doin

But as a parent do you even know what your doin?

I had that gun in my hand with mind tuned in

So

I pulled the trigger, & the damn thing exploded

I didn’t know it was loaded

It was at that moment my hope imploded

In the morning Dad & Ann are comin home

and possibly loaded

But I’ve only been here a few months

And chances are that I’m goin?

So Yes,

I Still grabbed that shell and threw it

In the street

Knowin I blew it & yes, I felt stupid & incomplete

And I’m definitely getting beat

I did deserve some kind of discipline & be on

Restriction for weeks

Because

They worked all night at the casinos in LA

Dealing cards in the late 70’s & 80’s

Dad’s still even playing today

But anyways

I saw the sun rise in LA’s haze

Holy shit…Mourning came way too fast

And I’m about to get bashed

And thrown out on my little ass

They saw the hole & yelled out my name

There was no hiding my guilt & shame

But not till the point of having them

Go insane  

I’m only 10 years old and my brains

still learning to contain self-control

still I was too young to be tame

when left alone

Dad and Ann are losing their hold  

& I’m tired of being the escape type

And disposed

I made a dumb mistake that night

I know!

I was so scared that Dad might even

Take my life!!!

But I got beat by both Dad & Ann

As if I wasn’t a kid, but a man

I do understand why their mad

But maybe this is when

I really needed my Dad

Instead they punched, hit & slapped

They started to shout & they became loud

I was more than sorry but Dad still grabbed

Some money & drove me too the Greyhound

I’m now in SD at 2pm with no supervision

During those times Greyhound is on Broadway

For some reason my Grandparents are missin

I sure do hope they’re on their way

I don’t know how long it’ll be today

But it’s already been 3 hours

And I’m still waiting impatiently

I’m really starting to hate things 

Plus I’m getting cold and shaking

Really I’m all alone for the taking

Not even any Greyhound Employee

Checked on me lately

Not even since getting off the bus today  

NOBODY is here to get me

I hope they still love me & not forget me

I’m starting to get hot & bored

Regretting my actions plenty

And so nervousness has me sweating

Its 5pm and not one adult

Checked on me

Greyhound should be embarrassed

and ashamed with an apology

Money was low and I needed it

For the payphones

I kept calling & again my Grandparents

Aren’t home

All I could do is sit, be bored & or roam

Damn, at 10 years old I felt all alone

It wasn’t until around 7pm that my

Grandparents came

They were upset at my Dad for

Playing his games

He didn’t give a shit that I was

Alone for 5 hours straight

And my Grandparents picked me up late

I will forever remember that Arcade

And those cold seats

That made my body sore and ache

And shit like this has made me

Into the man I am today & always!