Embers, and cinders, crackle and burn, smoke trails from a motionless pile of ash a memory of what has past, what was, a husk to what is now, a born anew to the flame a child of fire marked with its scars burned by its touch and in love with it effects, I died and was born anew, a chance to start over again to fix my wrongs, to say the things I want to say, to do the things that escaped me, a second chance a once in a life time opportunity but the scars are the mark left behind to remind me of what Ive done, a memory I hide from them under my shirt but every once in awhile they get a glimpse and they leave me, my past still torments me, a chance that im losing my grip consumes me, my light starts to fade, to flicker a sign its about to go out, but that’s not where it ends I just need someone to stoke my flames to give it the air it needs to breathe, and that’s where she came in, she's the one who saved me the one that rose me from the ashes again the savior I needed, but do not deserve, for what I did has no redemption, unconditional hatred is all I receive but all she gives me is a smile, she speaks to me with such kindness, a reception that I have longed for, a feeling that burns within me is something new to me, a fire that doesn’t sputter out, an eternal inferno, a feeling that ive never felt before, a feeling that doesn’t go with the constant barrage of insults, and looks of distain that I have lived with, but the sweet angel that has saved me pulled me from the ashes treats me differently, a relationship only conceivable in fantastical fairy tales and folk lore, but it is real as the fire that burns within me that burns only for her, a longing that seeks only her, a feelings that are felt only for her, these I've never felt before, it brings me happiness when we are together, walking side by side, talking, joking, and laughing, with her is the only time I feel I can smile, and its hurts me when the time comes that we have to leave each others company, a fear that is engraved into me from my earliest memories, I fear that tomorrow will be the day she changes her mind and leaves me to die just like all the others, a fear I got from my earliest memories, ingrained into me, like chiseled stone,

But I know the fear is unfounded because if that where so she would have left me long ago, but the thought never leaves my mind always their in the back of my mind, waiting for the night to come so it can torment me, only kept at bay by her company, I just wish that I could just be with her all the time so the creature that torments me with all the thoughts, would be evicted from my mind, less demons torment me when I get lost in my thoughts, a cruel fact that not even the shell of my inner sanctom are safe sanctuary from my past, it’s a curse that I suffer from everyday, a trauma that never heals, an immortal enemy that follows me every where I go, so I just wait for the day I can work up the courage to tell her how I feel, and its outcome is what will kill me or bring me back from the hellish purgatory I lived in for so long a, long waited escape, or a rejection that im so familiar with, like a childhood friend its in every one of my  memories, a dark shadow in all the thing I've done, whether good or bad, its always in the picture, leering at my failures, finding joy in my suffering, but the risk is worth it because my fire burns brighter than the darkness my innermost demons can try to smother it with so, whether it will make or break me I will tell her how I feel, and either get to live for real, or be thrown back to the abyss of distain, and loathing, that belonged to me for so long my only company was the monster that tormented me inside, a torture that I wish not to suffer again, a injury that never healed, a wound that no amount of stiches or bandages can fix, but when I'm with her the pain fades away, a past memory that is locked all the way in the back of my mind, waiting for its chance to come out again, but if my question I wish to ask her is successful in getting the response I hope and pray for every chance I have, even though god long since left me behind, abandoned me, alone to die, a child that wondered why the world wanted him to die, what had he done to deserve it, but the answer would only find him when it was too late and the damage had been done, and that child never left me always in the back wondering why, did he get put in this world when all it tries to do is take him out of it, to drag him down, to hold him under water, until he stops his struggle, wondering what was wrong with him, what made him so different from everyone, else to deserve all this distain for his life, and hatred for him, but this child never left me always in the back of my mind crying, god why,cries but his question will never be united with its answer because god left him long ago, to die at the hands of the demons that surround him, to fight for every second of his life, a curse that cruelty knows no bounds, but when shes with me the child that’s lays in the back of my mind, tears stop their escape from his eyes and he can enjoy a temporary reprieve from the hell he endures every day, every hour, every minute, of his life in this hellish purgatory, but they always come back when the night comes and his torment begins once again, but soon he might have his long past due freedom, granted to him, if my question has the answer I want, I need, to be happy, to live a normal life, to escape from this accursed purgatory that I've come to know like the back of my hand memorizing every twisted turn, malevolent forest, every hellish mountain is all ingrained into my memories, but my escape lies with her my, savior, my angel, my escape from my hell, the one who raised the phoenix from the ashes and has given me the chance to live again, that I am eternally

Grateful for her, she gave me a chance to start again, stoked my burning coals and embers, and reignited the fire in me, a different flame, one not fueled by fear and pain, but one fed by love and kindness, filling me with a pleasant warmth that I never felt before, like beauty and the beast our relationship, seems like one straight out of a fantastical, impossibly, implausible, fictional fairy tale one that seems straight out of the books of myths and happily ever after's, but it’s the truth that fuels me to keep going, to not give up, to not throw away this chance at a new life free from the demons that torment me whith eternal agony, every day, so I just wish this fairy tell has a happy ending, a story that leaves on a happy note, to put an end to the hellish scrutiny I live through everyday.