It's been 148 days

everyday feels like the first without you.


I've realised all I have been is numb

because I won't let anyone or anything in,

and my lack of  senses

can be concerning.


Being numb is depressing

yet blissful.

It helps you explore your mind

as you uncover hidden memories

that were once fresh.

Numbness can also be a curse

with its definite lengths

and ability to reach your demons.

You’re completely trapped in your mind

until it becomes clear

you are your worst fear.


I was day dreaming today,

when your face crossed my mind.

Nobody noticed when I pulled the

empty chair next to me for you to sit in.

You made me happy for a second,

then I remembered

you’re gone

and my smile faded along

with your laugh.


I’m sorry I couldn't save you.

I’m sorry we never got to say goodbye.

I’m sorry our memories are limited.

I’m sorry that I forgot what you sound like.

I’m sorry I haven't remembered everything yet.


Maybe if you knew how it would've been

you wouldn't have left.

But you did

and I still live

haunted by what you left behind.


This poem is about: 


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If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741