Empty-

I've always felt empty.

Maybe that was because I was breathing

In all those toxic fumes of love

That escape from the bottom of an

All-most empty tank.

 

Alone-

I've always felt alone.

Could it be that the times I sat in front

Of the mirror, putting on make-up

And talking to myself - is what I believed

To be the most valuable asset I had?

My beauty - was just a reflection

Of being alone.

 

Unsure-

I've always felt unsure.

For every decision, or answer to every question,

For every time I did what I wanted and

Not what they expected - was I wrong?

Am I really to blame?

I'm still unsure.

 

Ignored-

I've always felt ignored.

Left out of everything, standing so close,

But still so far and removed

Never included in things that weren't

Important anyway

Except to me, especially

When I was being ignored.

 

Ridiculed-

I've always felt ridiculed.

Every word that left my lips, a laughing

Joke amongst the many, all those who never,

Ever had one single independent thought for themselves,

Because they never took the time to think -

They're all too busy laughing and pointing,

Talking and condemning, 

My original thoughts on 

Why they did ridicule me.

 

Betrayed-

I've always felt betrayed.

When my world's been shattered and some

Support is what I reach for; 

I find cold faces and hot tempers

And walls of backs turned against me,

In pain, in need, in righteousness,

No matter, for those I loved

Betrayed me.

 

Confused-

I've always felt confused

Why is everything so out-of-whack with me?

Why is it one way here and another way there?

I'm wrong; yes, sometimes, but never all of the time.

Even when I'm good - I'm bad, yet the other person -

who equaled my shame, they are praised the hero

For doing the same!

I'm confused.

 

Dead-

I've always felt dead...

 

Yvonne Renee Moore