Dwight Shrute’s 10 Commandments
You may all know Jim Halpert
Even Toby Flenderson
As people on TV.
The Office: an average American workplace.
But to us,
One person has changed our lives:
What does that spell?
And where does he work?
Scranton: the electric city.
And what do we follow?
Dwight’s Ten commandments.
Number one: Thou shalt better be the best beet farmer.
Fact: Beets are high in fiber
If you don’t eat beets every day, you’ll die.
Number two: Thou shalt hate Jim Halpert.
Jim is a lanky gumby with hair.
People like him sit there and don’t even care.
They waste away the day
Putting my stuff in my jello -
Number three: Thou shalt never put anything in jello.
Don’t belong in jello.
Number four: Thou shalt always be prepared in case of an emergency.
If someone has a heart attack, check for an organ donor card.
If there’s a fire, know the procedures.
If an intruder enters, always have weapons ready.
And never leave your pita in the microwave, Ryan.
Number five: Thou shalt know karate.
Most people don’t spend 21 years
Just to get their black belt.
But Dwight Schrute did.
And you know who can beat you in a fight?
Dwight Schrute can.
Number six: Thou shalt always have a fact ready.
Fact: facts are fundamental.
Fact: battlestar galactica is a way of life.
Fact: Dwight is “faster than 80% of all snakes.”
Fact: “identity theft is not a joke, Jim.”
Number seven: Thou shalt be fluent in Dothraki.
Some people may know Spanish
But Dothraki is the only language that matters.
“It’s the native tongue of the nomadic, war-mongering, horse lords of the Essos”
As featured in the home box office series
“Game of Thrones.”
Number eight: Thou shalt always wear a mustard yellow shirt, khaki pants, and glasses.
You can work perfectly fine in jeans and a T-shirt.
Fact: Better dress means better work.
This means collared shirt in a shade of mustard yellow
And of course the glasses
A necessity that adds professionalism.
Number nine: Thou shalt value the family and farm.
Farmers are the backbone of society.
They grow the food.
They work the hardest.
Question: Do you know what plant is hardest to farm?
Question: Do you know what plant brings a sense of satisfaction and glory?
Number ten: Thou shalt be loyal.
We breathe loyalty.
We sleep loyalty.
We eat loyalty for breakfast.
We live loyalty.
We go where our loyalty is valued the most.
You know who values our loyalty the most?
So who are we loyal to?
And whose commandments do we follow loyally?
Dwight Shrute’s commandments.
Why, you may ask, are we devoutly devoted to Dwight?
He’s a nerd
He rarely succeeds
And his facts may not be completely accurate.
But he is not afraid to be himself!
Even though he’s bullied day after day
Persecuted by Jim’s pranks
Laughed at by coworkers and the world alike
He is unapologetically unique.