I hate the sound of my heartbeat
Every beat of my wretched heart only reminds me that I, I am one with the living
A living breed that feels all pain, all emotion
A breed whose feelings are never erased, never forgotten

To make matters worse, what makes me despise the constant pounding against my breast,
Despise the painful drum that beats at its own mercy, forcing me to cling to my own chest in dismay,
Forcing me to my knees... 
To make matters worse, every pounding beat inside my chest reminds me of you
For every hour of every minute of every goddamn second of every day your name is echoed throughout my being

To the unknowing, all they hear is a repetitive rhythm
A rhythm presumed to be calming, peaceful
Where only the constant thud is heard when ones ear is pressed against one's sternum
Me…
A different noise ripples through my heart, 
Penetrating my thoughts, my desires
Infecting my being!

There is no calm in that, that pulses blood through my veins, 
There is no peace in the entity that thunders within me
The constant thud you so deafly hear is nonexistent in the cavity that bears this siren
This siren that screeches your name till it haunts me, 
A name I will never forget,
A name for so long I’ve spoken till teardrops fall on the same quivering lips that spoke them
A name that’s so beautiful, so precious 
A name so irritating to mutter

As weeks stretched to months I’ve tried to silence the constant echo surging within me
I have been undone, foiled as it may
Like a terminal infection this siren will roar until my untimely death, 
For in its silence, I am no more
I will continue to hear the siren’s cry flood my heart until I am drowned in the elegance that is your mother’s gift to you

I am graced being privileged to have met you, hold you, 
Speak the name, your name, which I hold so dear
I am in debt to you, for it is only your name that truly made me smile
It is this name, 
A name that I see to be everlasting
Shall forever plague me