Proud

Everyone is so proud

They tell me every day

They ooh and ahh and wow.

I smile

That's what they want, isn't it?

And I guess I'm happy

Who wouldn't be?

They're not worried, oh no

High hopes for this girl.

Meanwhile

I keep my feet together

Watching pebbles fall down the edges of the pedestal.

Being alone helps

But makes it ever so harder

Unsure of whether to lean against the sea of new faces

Or drown in it.

My heart beats

Thick and slow

Blood clogging in my veins like gravy

Trying so hard to just breathe.

The doors are open

But is there a way out?

There is a path to follow

I don't know if I have space to err.

Have to keep finding solace in isolation

Guilty of neglecting my peers

Should I feel selfish?

Leaving behind the breath in my lungs

The life in my veins

The hardest part

When he kept the loneliness at bay.

So much thinking

My brain hurts...

Like the information is literally being drilled inside

Without anesthetic.

And you have to pay the piper

But my pocket of gold has run dry.

Knowledge is power

And power is expensive.

Trying not to stress

Only increases it

Nervous bodied

I can't keep still for anything.

Thrilling though

No other rush quite so intense

The freedom.

The very word makes me breathless.

That I may be my own person among people

That I may carve my own niche in the rock of the ages.

I stand where many have stood

In a similar mindset

Parallel almost

But better.

It is my turn.

Finally.