Doubt

I thought your black was forever engraved on my skin,

in my veins,

in my eyes.

When you left, I thought my own rainbow was lost.

Doubt clouded my mind,

Constant second-guessing was my life now.

 

I met someone just as vibrant as I once was.

Someone who took your poison and saw past it.

They brought back my light,

Or did they?

I guess your poison was just irresistible.

I learned how to hide my own darkness,

How to lie,

To conceal.

I learned to do to others what you did to me.

Little by little, I shed my light and showed my true color,

My own shade of black.

 

 

Then, you came back.

My eyes were showing me a rainbow again.

Vibrant colors dripping from your fingertips, staining me with light once again.

But my eyes, they tricked me.

What they showed me was simply what I wanted to see.

My light hues suddenly went dark,

My blues turned a deep purple, leaving bruises in their place.

My bright reds turned a dark crimson shade, the color of blood.

My beautiful sunset turned into the darkest of nights.

Did you enjoy this?

You brought out the monster in me,

Turned me into you,

Misled me into trusting you again,

Manipulated me into thinking things could be okay again.

Into thinking we could be what we once were.

Or did you?

Was it really your fault?

Maybe it was my fault this time,

I tried so hard to believe you had changed,

To believe that the black could turn into color again.

I wanted to believe you had changed for the better,

I needed to believe you had changed for me.

I guess it doesn’t matter anymore.

the last time around, I didn’t see your colors come back,

Not for me,

Not for anyone else.

From now on I see you for what you truly are,

A darkness that consumes the colors it sees.

I know now that I can’t trust everything my eyes show,

Hell, I don’t think I’ll ever trust myself again but I guess that’s the price to pay for making the same mistake twice.

You mask your darkness under a fake rainbow,

Always deceiving,

Scared someone will see the real you before you want them to.

I wear my dark as part of me.

Showing my battle scar,

Letting everyone know that, yes, we all have our deep purples and crimson reds and all kinds of blacks, but we also have our lights.

It’ll take some time to truly believe this,

Some time to trust myself again,

But I will get there.

Thank you for showing me how to be you.

Thanks to you, I learned how to be myself.

 

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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