"i’m sorry for taking all your friends"

i’m sorry for spending too much money on lipsticks that do nothing for me

i am made of cherry laurel leaves (rub me in between your hands, almond extract and sugar syrup; boil me into a tea, cyanide)

weave, weave, weave

thumbtacks jammed into veins, a slow, pulsating flow

little keepsakes you’ve given me sit idle by the window, partially bathed in the sun, partially sheltered by the shade of trees 

i grow sick with longing

high fructose corn syrup, cascading down my cheeks

sweet downfall

look me in the eyes

tell me i deserve it

i know i do, but i want to hear you say it

i want to hear you say it

say it

i was sorry once; i wonder if i still am

pop, pop, pop

discarded birthday wishes, a constant tick in my brain, a tugging at my chest when i see ballpoint pen ink scratched into cardstock: “hope it’s a great one”

indelible, sewed into a shirt

thoughtless and fleeting

i’ve made an irreparable mistake

i dusted cocaine and powdered sugar on the heap of rotting meat

sad, ugly boys and flies (almost equals) flocked to it

baby termites off to work in my brain

scrape, scrape, scrape

chiggers in my skin and a sickening, ever present sense of nausea inhibits my ability to think 

ad hominem; get your claws off of me; stop telling me that this can be saved

brat with a red-ringed mouth, i love you