Dear The Ones Who Keep Hurting Me

See, what I don’t need you to sit there like you already know me

Don’t look me up and down like that right there, that look you just gave me

The shit I go through

The tyranny I don’t need

The judgment I am returning to sender

Fed up

Physically I am a nineteen year old woman

Mentally I am a thirty year old business man

Internally I am a sixty year old woman who is beat down and tired

I’m describing something real because I don’t need the imitation anymore

You know, the fake, the false, the afflicted, the shit

If I speak up I’m disrespectful and doomed for hell

If I don’t say much I have an attitude

If I fight back I have anger issues

And if I get agitated I am short tempered

But if I speak my mind I’m a bitch

The criticism

The ignorance

The absurd actions I have cast against me

Absurd actions I have cast against me

Me

Me

Just me

Not you

Over and over again

Until I reach my breaking point

These words are the music to my soul

My heart is the rhythm

And my tears, fuel my passion

Everyone is saying I only live once

And I’m stuck like damn…

No reincarnation, what if this time is really unsatisfactory

I guess I have to live by, fuck it, shit happens

I bleed tears of regret but never do you know

I am crumbled over to my knees by memories of affliction

Crippled by remorse

Hardened by torment

I cannot do this anymore

This type of life is not for me

Aggression, cruelty, narcissistic actions

After all, what is there to miss, about me

You said it, the words spewed from your mouth with no hesitation

Malice crashes down and trickles from my soul to penetrate me no more

With each step I’m taking in the opposing direction it leaks weakness to saturate me no more

Never more will you insinuate I am beneath you

I am done

So done that the fuck I use to give, yeah it’s gone

Somewhere

Nowhere close

So annoyed! Distressed! Jaded!

My face is forever dressed in a haggard expression because I am worn down and worn out

The hell in me ruptures, breaking lose

Enduring all of the ridicule and the agonizing, inconvenient plague that’s keeping me down

I am screaming, crying, fighting in my own puddle of misery created from the loathe that has transpired over the years

Breaking free, cracking the code, all while crumbling in my own ashes of history that I wish to never relive

Tearing down walls

Breaking these damn chains

Taking my breaths of fresh air

Existing while I’m so unconventional, never really fit into the mold that was created for me

So I’m saying so long to the suffering

Depression

Anxiety

Despair

Cruelty

Contempt

Venom

Bye extensive strain and burdens that I will no longer bear upon my shoulders

 

Sincerely,

A Girl… No A Flourishing Woman Who Absolutely Refuses To Endure This Insanity Furthermore.