Firstly, even the greatest poets who lived have room for improvement. If this was not true, how else would poetry grow as an art?

The message you have bottled into this poem is a large one that will speak to many. My best teachers, and this may also be true for you, were the ones who taught me lessons through an anecdote. As humans, we absolutely love stories-- think about the theaters, novels, short-story, Shakespeare, Plato, etc. I believe that this is what your poem is at its foundation, a story of a time when you learned this lesson yourself. Now, in order to teach this lesson you must insert the moral into a story such like the story that plays in your mind's eye upon writing this poem.

Another writing technique that will make your story picturesque is the use of symbolism and imagery. I won't elaborate too much about these techniques because they are better understood when read and used than explained.

Here are some examples from the Power Poetry Resources--->Famous Poets tab:

http://www.powerpoetry.org/content/coping

Pay attention to the line "the world is
a round puddle
of sunless water
where small islands
are only beginning
to cope"

http://www.powerpoetry.org/content/working-class-hero

"That you can
Sit, comfy,
Unperturbed
By traffic
In the womb-like
Back seat
Of my
Aging
Chariot"

Now it's your turn MMN! Give this a try! I am looking forward to reading more of your work! :)