In Defense of Silly Hats

Sun, 11/09/2014 - 13:24 -- Yarnold


United States
41° 48' 1.4112" N, 87° 36' 13.7736" W

I don`t make a secret of this

But just in case you didn`t know

I`m kind of Napoleon

And I know what you`re thinking

But no,

For the record Napoleon wasn`t short

That was a myth fabricated by the British

 to make him look insecure and petty

He was none of these things

And neither am I 

No, really, I`m not

At the very least I`m not insecure

Well not more than an little insecure I mean

I mean I couldn’t be more than a little insecure

I am little

No I am Napoleon because we both have this tendency

To get in way over out heads

Witch is of course where I hung a poster of him

right next to a bright orange poster that states

“zombies only eat brains, so you`re safe”

Equally comforting to both me and him

But it`s not just that

It`s our slightly more masculine approach to our roles

Mine as a woman

With short hair

And a girlfriend

And his as a ruler of France

I mean really

Shoes without high heels

Natural hair

Instead of a wig

His slightly less humorous out fits

It must have been an outrage,  a scandal

And it`s this out of place confidence

It`s the way nothing scares me

It`s This crazy feeling that when the time comes I will crown myself  

It`s The way I`m certain that if I do my job I can achieve any goal

Get into college? I can do it

Starve out the British when all logic says it`s impossible? Absolutely

Break into my neighbor`s houses to deposited random jars of Nutella ? Not a problem

Invade Russia in winter? What do you take me for?

Inept, of course I can do it

And I don`t think it`s that he didn`t know what had happened on previous attempts

But we`re always so sure we`ll be the exception

Because that fire in our belies crackles and burns with certainty

It`s confidence, and arrogance and big heads decked out in ridiculous hats

But also it’s this burning urge to prove something

To someone

Probably ourselves

So yeah maybe I am compensating for something when I decide it`s was a good idea to take 6 AP`s and the Sat in less than two weeks

And maybe that`s what he was doing when he led all those brave men to their deaths

But then it`s not just short people who have Napoleon complexes

Who here isn`t compensating for their apparent lack of something

Height, intelligence, looks, grades, bread

Just be glad you have a head attached to your shoulders

because As many wise and not so wise men have said


So lead all the brave men of France to their deaths

maybe something good will come of it

maybe you are the exception

but for the record  we are not the Macedonians or the Mongols

we are the intrepid fools

who will likely live long enough to be abandoned

on our own metaphorical Saint Helena

 I`ll ask that We remember this

 when Napoleon

was banished to the edge of the earth

he realized that fire in his belly

had become cancer in his belly

and hey

in a metaphorical sense

maybe it had been all along






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