Five years old, I picked you out of my homeroom class
I thought I would marry you one day
You had a hat with your name embroidered on it
But it was in homage to a football player
I never had a shot.
Dripping down, burning my nervous hands
The years melted together like wax from a candle
Which I held aloft like a torch for you
Until things tapered off
And my gaze lingered on other boys
But it never settled for long
Inevitably, you captivated me once again
I blame your impossibly long eyelashes
And your height, and your easy charm
But you wanted to use me
And I let you.
It was all so innocent, too innocent
But it burned me to the core this time
So I ignored it and saw what I wanted to see
Which was your hand in mine
Chemistry class sparked all sorts of fantasies
None of which came to fruition
And then you found a better version of me
To call your own.
You ruined me carelessly
Without even a glance in my direction
You never found out what you meant to me
And you never will.