Dear Life,

I walk around all day, around the city, in my school and at home. 

When I rest, I think of what it would be like to not spazz, shiver, shake and tweak.

What my life would have been like if I did no longer need 400 mg of Lamictal a day to prevent my illness.

To able to swim again, bath, ride a roller-coaster and stay up late watching movies. 

What it would be like to be normal.

I am not normal, nor will I ever be. Dear Life, why have you cursed me. 

One December night, so many years and days long ago.

Taking my neuro system, and turning thus once functioning system into a hazard.

As if it were an exposed metal wire laying right next to a glass of water; 

or perhaps a lit cigaret flicked onto the ground near a gas station pump.

Life, I beg of you. Why have you cursed me so?

As if it were to amuse you, by making me screech an "OOOOOO" sound.

For I to perform a play; where I fall forward, stop breathing and convulse as an act for your play.

Forcing me to cry and weep in pain with bruises and an upset stomach and weary body.

Making my mouth colored with blood and tongue swollen and injured,

To make me feel pathetic and useless. 

Dear Life,

why have you done this to me so?

My bodice is no act nor plays for you to tamper with. What have I done to thee to deserve such treachery!

Oh, harsh Life. I forbid thee any more control.

I wish dear Life, please release me from this cursed Grand-Mal performance.

To no longer have a labeled chronic illness. 

To be normal and enjoy the wild side of my life.

Or dear Life I beg of thee, release me.

- Crystal