We go way back
I remember first meeting you
that night I laid on the locker room floor
fifteen years old, broken, worthless and numb
Attacked by five monsters
because I was “easy”.
I remember the second time
followed me out my window to a party
I wasn’t even supposed to be at
A chaotic event where
what was precious to me was taken cold.
The time I let a dumb teenage boy
convince me I was no greater than the dirty floor he had left me on.
You were with me in the hospital room
given a long name for an illness that to this day I still don’t understand.
Depression, you were my only friend.
A friend that was always there and always listened
A friend that kept me sick
and made my world go dark.
I found you in my thoughts
telling me I can’t do it and
that I would never make it out alive.
You whispered to me daily
focused my attention on everything wrong
made your way inside and clenched onto my heart,
slowly suffocating every ounce of joy in me.
You scared me; you still scare me.
The thought of you ever returning makes me tremble where I stand.
The thought that you almost won makes me feel hopeless,
but hopeless is a lie you fed to me for years.
Depression, you led me down a road,
a road I will never return to.
Depression, I know you are here,
but I won’t go to you.
Depression… you tried.