I hid behind pretty words and fake smiles,
while behind them i was always lost and confused,
you made me feel so safe at your side like i belonged there..
yet so horribly vulnerable i wanted to disapear,
so i ran...
I slit my wrists trying to drown out the fear with pain,
which is so much easier to bare.
I cheated trying to distance myself from you
running to the arms of an ex-lover to regain that familiar feeling of control.
I lied, building up a wall between us,
thinking it would protect me from falling again like i have so many times before
but was blind to the pain i was causing you,
the one i cared most for, though just that scared me..
sorry for breaking promises i wanted to keep,
sorry for being just like those other guys...
But i did..
These mistakes will remain with me till the day we part,
and even after.
The memory of your tears haunts my nights,
depriving me of sleep and taking away one of the few pleasure i hold dear.
the comfort of my own sanity..
thats now being chipped away by every passing moment,
though id throw it all away to take it back,
to make it so you never had to cry..
but history is written in stone,
so i look back and learn from my mistakes..
Darling i miss you!
i miss the way you used to look at me,
i miss your warm touch against my skin,
and the gentle kiss under the covers..
i miss being able to call you mine,
you who made me so completly happy,
you who showed me a future to fight for,
a smile worth dying for...
Like a criminal under the gun,
i beg for a second chance..
My words are worthless to you
after the lies and deceit
but there is still truth behind my words.
though my head is in the clouds
and my mind forever in the gutter
my heart remains true..
So though my words are flawed,
my actions will speak for themselves
so darling say you'll be mine again..
For one thing is true...
The day i said i loved you,
to this very day,
NOTHING has been more true.