There have been dark days

Don’t get me wrong

There have been days where poetry doesn’t come easily because the pain is too grey

There have been days where the only voice I hear is the echo of my breath from the bottom of a wine glass

And I don’t even like wine

There have been days when my soul is so encumbered by fear it doesn’t even feel pain anymore

It just feels numb

 

In these dark days I have realized that numb is worse than pain

Because if you can’t feel it that means that the pain has suffocated and torn the nerves

And I don’t want to have the surgery

 

In these dark days I have realized that the idea that pain is inspiration isn’t quite true

Because I couldn’t write poetry in the darkest days

I couldn’t do anything in the darkest days

 

Looking back

I realize that the pain of those dark days cannot be appreciated by unburdened  spirits

Even I question if they were real

But I have the little white lines to prove it

 

And so I realize that I have made progress

Not because I feel better but because I can speak of the days when I felt worse

And because I am no longer creating future scars

But shedding the past scars

Born out of the dark days