You know I told my friend I had to use the bathroom
I did need a bathroom,
but not for the seated feature in the middle of the high school stalls
Those ugly doors, black and white in the worst way
Sharpie barely legible telling me to "Smile, bitch, you look prettier"
And some other inspirational crap
No, it had been a long-ass day
I was surprised at how my own eyes couldn't seem to follow a simple direction
And how much effort it took to restrain it
Had to cry in public before? Never been there.
God, people just want a piece of you all day, they just never stop
I never understood why focusing on work could make people feel better
Ha! Now I do.
Yes, because you pretend to know something, and when you're busy knowing
Theres really not a whole lot of time for thinking and feeling.
Whatever. Then I had to talk to you.
In my head, you could see I was on the brink, my eyes were on the brink
of spilling over
God, how pathetic
(I really did feel pathetic)
But thankfully, some adults would have a teenager take a breath
And not push harder
Thanks. I was all messed up and you sent me on my way feeling a little better.
But, shit. I did it again. Am I now expecting leeway? Make it stop!
Is the answer to never be kind? I can't seem to get a grip of myself.
I don't use foul language, except for that week and anything regarding that foul week
But now it's dragging on to two, probably more
Amd the world spins by me and I just want to step back
So, my friends, my trusted adults, don't be so understanding
Now I sleep three times a day.
Be cruel. I haven't dealt with kindness.
Its fucking me up.