You know I told my friend I had to use the bathroom

I did need a bathroom,

but not for the seated feature in the middle of the high school stalls

Those ugly doors, black and white in the worst way

Sharpie barely legible telling me to "Smile, bitch, you look prettier"

And some other inspirational crap

 

No, it had been a long-ass day

I was surprised at how my own eyes couldn't seem to follow a simple direction 

And how much effort it took to restrain it

Had to cry in public before? Never been there.

God, people just want a piece of you all day, they just never stop

I never understood why focusing on work could make people feel better

Ha! Now I do.

Yes, because you pretend to know something, and when you're busy knowing

Theres really not a whole lot of time for thinking and feeling.

 

Whatever. Then I had to talk to you.

In my head, you could see I was on the brink, my eyes were on the brink

of spilling over

God, how pathetic

(I really did feel pathetic)

But thankfully, some adults would have a teenager take a breath

And not push harder

Thanks. I was all messed up and you sent me on my way feeling a little better.

 

But, shit. I did it again. Am I now expecting leeway? Make it stop!

Is the answer to never be kind? I can't seem to get a grip of myself.

I don't use foul language, except for that week and anything regarding that foul week

But now it's dragging on to two, probably more

Amd the world spins by me and I just want to step back

So, my friends, my trusted adults, don't be so understanding

Now I sleep three times a day.

Be cruel. I haven't dealt with kindness.

Its fucking me up.