I wake because I’m drowning;
Life’s currents submerging me-
I’m verging on tears and utter exhaustion
And falling asleep by nothing but fault.
Rising again with an instinctive “Oh, shit!”
It’s 3:36, and I HAVE SHIT TO DO.
It’s too much for one person,
But I guess I chose this version:
Dying now to live later,
Hoping later was sooner
And it didn’t hurt so bad to be here.
There’s a light at 3:37 from my phone,
A blinking yellow gleam from a snapchat message.
I don’t have time for this,
But I know it’s you, so I answer.
Suddenly I’m smiling into the darkness and it isn’t as dark as before.
You are my sunrise, from so far away.
I wish you were here, but know you can’t stay.
You know who you are, I don’t have to say.
You’re my only reason to get up today.
When you are not here,
I get up for tomorrow.
Since there’s nothing for me now,
Besides feeling so hollow.
Each morning I tell myself what I’ll accomplish today.
But I know deep down I’ll crash at ten,
A car crash, wreckage hitting my pillow, and
I’ll see the same hallucinations
At night when I drive home.
But I get up anyways.
To wander about this cage,
Keep rinsing and repeating
Cause they’ll let me out eventually.
But I have to buy my way out:
Typing endlessly at midnight,
Saying please give me money,
In so many different sentences.
Saying help me,
In the least pitiful way possible.
Trying to hide the monster
Behind the printed words.
Today my face will face the day,
My greeting are the bags under my eyes,
tearstains, laughter lines,
And the red imprints of nails in my palm
from trying too damn hard.
Good morning second chances,
Though you need grant me none.
I think that you realize every moon
Needs her sun.
Wake me up again,
Take my sleeping hours away.
For every tomorrow spent with you,
Is worth the struggles of today.