I'm just so tired of crap!

one day I'm being pulled this way the next I'm being pulled that.

I have no control over my emotions, one second I'm crying and the next I'm apathetic.

I just feel so pathetic.

this happens every time I'm put in charge, i over step and place my foot right I'm my mouth.

talk about tripping yourself up.

I feel like I’m one action away from mutually assured destruction, and thats opening my mouth and removing all doubt.

I don’t see how they expect me to keep it all together, to weather this storm.

this isn’t meteorology, this is psychology.

brain games wont work and lies wont tell the truth.

 if i don’t even know myself, how can they be so sure of who i am?

so whats the plan? where can i go from here? where is the starting line?

they tell me that I can’t succeed with out help, but when it doesn't come, they aren't even bothered.

do they know something i don't? do they have a trick up their sleeve?

God i need relief, this is giving me a head ache. I feel so fragile that I just might break.

the pressure is closing in, its like a ton of weight on my head; my heart’s beating faster, trying to compensate. 

what am i supposed to do? 

I never say no when others ask me for help, and i just end up making a mess for myself. so along with the crap they leave for me to clean up, my own crap just keeps on building up.