Consequences of Nostalgia
A precious little bundle
in a pink and purple blanket, she was cuddled
A sweet little girl
Your natural, fresh-water, gleaming pearl
Who was an image of quintessential esque
with a love of dinosaurs, violence,
and a science-related desk
Who also wrote and drew with your pencils and pens
Instrument and horse riding lessons she begged
And with her father’s pride behind her
The awards soon started to occur
Her happiness was granted
when you had a face with a smile enchanted
You pressured for the best
Get an A on my math test
If I come for help, I don’t understand
Your teaching comes from another land
Still, you say I have to get an excellent
With no means to get me to understand the concept
Only when I was older, was I able to find sources on my own
Soon came your regrets that started with your son
You had started to be gradually gone
Away from your troubles that haunt you so
Away from acceptance and maturity that you’d ought to grown
Soon you left a living piece behind
Tried to find a place to hide
You’re not only one who is hurting inside
Her sympathies are great but what could she say
She knows how you feel
but it’s done what was done that day
And no matter what, he couldn’t stay
But oh yes, the failing pain
Blame yourself
It’s fine to reflect on yourself
Not to confine in a dead end jail cell
She’s not in elementary school anymore
She doesn’t need me. What for?
She needs to learn to act and be by herself
Only she can’t do half without a car and/or credit card
Why bother with shows and games? They’re a bore
Except the concerts. Those have great scores.
Your presence was more than enough
Now, you don’t even want to come
To show you how far I’ve come
and scorched the plateaus
You didn’t even want to spend time
Counted your nickels and dimes
For your selfish grime
And a woman whose last name isn’t mine
(and began to process of creating a sike)
You placed the wrongs on me and my mother
as if we were the cause of becoming the bother
And that we are the fault that you hollered
and I believed that I caused the dishonor
I thought that I should work harder
That I did, didn’t amount to enough
I had to be fitter, prettier, smarter
And be a perfect daughter
Otherwise, I didn’t deserve your love
That it was something earned
and hadn’t achieved nearly as much as others
Not that I would tell you how I felt
I feared you would offer pain dealt
Screw your face into red ribbon welts
Whatever I did was never good enough
Because you still fooled around
and I wasn’t bothered that you weren’t found
when you came home, no call for a reason later bound
When I got older then still, I learned that I had value
That love isn’t earned but given and cherished
and you refused to look at me
and offer an apology
saying that I needed to grow up
that what I feel is wrong
I know it isn’t
and In my head, I say
I’m more of an adult than you are
I ran away
and hid in my room
wishing you would come to my rescue
Because that’s what dads do
I hear my mom talk
“She needs you to be her father.”
But you never did
As I waited to hear the sounds of creaking stairs
So I walked back down
to face you once again
A long needed discussion turned argument
You storm off, fanning your fuse
Angry that I pointed out fallacies
and that you covered the truth
All I wanted was my father before I knew him after the fact
Of Thomas’s death
The one who encouraged my interests and my talents
Scaring off boys back their corridors
Protecting me from any possible harm
Despite any setbacks, you teaching me how to fight back
You worked hard on weekends because our house was expensive
But the school was excellent
Long hours kept you away from home
But never stopped your playing-jokes syndrome
Making sure I was always warm
When you gave me that big hug
Followed my kissing Mom on the cheeks
With her smile plastered on her face
Our house when it was wholesome
And wonderful place to be
I want that Dad back
So I could tell him one time last
I love you because of who you were in the past