It’s your junior and senior year of high school,

Time to start picking colleges to go to.

Each school having their own specific qualifications,

Wondering if you’ll meet their expectations.

Be careful about mistakes for everything must be precise,

So three maybe four checks is good advice.

Colleges like recommendations,

So be sure to give your teacher three weeks notification.

 

All of this work and for what?

Just to hear you didn’t make the cut,

All you are to them is a name on a piece of paper,

A mere GPA they’ll contemplate later.

Asking what makes you better than others,

And how you would look in their school colors.

But I have a problem with this and you too should,

Because it is we the students who make them look good.

Using us as statistics for their fancy publications,

Filling in the numbers for each graduation,

When they should be the ones filling out applications,

Trying to convince us they’re the better education.

And I’m not talking about the old clichés,

With general information and suggestive résumés.

I’m talking about the applications we fill out,

And deadlines are important, so don’t let time run out.

Just in case this is too broad or casual,

I took the liberty of making an instruction manual.

 

Write your name,

Tell me kid what makes you so special.

Send your grades,

Tell me what you have done that’s up most exceptional.

Make sure you write your essay,

Included are specific questions,

Schedule your visit day,

There will be many workshop sessions.

Have you been accused of any criminal allegations?

Check yes if you did, no if you didn’t,

We regret to inform you we’ve misplaced your application.

Submit another if you still care for admittance.

 

Now for the financial aid part,

You do not meet the qualifications for a need based loan.

You will be charged with out-of-state tuition to start,

Please appeal if this state is indeed your home.

We are getting to your paperwork please be patient.

We promise we are organized and clean.

We will try our best not to keep you waiting,

But we didn’t say we never check the fax machine.

The deadline is almost near,

We hope you’ve enjoyed the run around.

We know we’ve made everything perfectly clear,

So we will see you when you get to town.

Move in your dorm and meet your roommate.

You’re on North Campus, the dorms are on the opposite.

Rooms are scarce so don’t be late,

We don’t refund deposits.

Remember to go to class,

You pay for uninformative instructors.

So say a prayer and hope you pass,

But a degree won’t help you in today’s career structure.

Follow these instructions and you’ll be okay,

Don’t forget to schedule your visit day.

Make yourself sound like a real genius,

And I’ll get back to you at my earliest convenience.