child of the mentally ill

teachers always asked why i was so far gone from reality? my adopted mother made excuses and liked to think that it was from a weak spirit and body heavy from inflicted psychological pain so she put me in therapy .but I’m not trying to be the next president or a valedictorian at hazard university. Im just trying to be a better me. I have a creative way of thinking, an expressive way of feeling and an out of the box way of showing it my Love can move mountains like a force of nature that causes tsunamis in third world countries. My anger can annihilate the fanciest pits of hell. Im complex none the less but I’m more intellectual then average. I am more than your island, accent and religion I’m past your peripheral vision . I have way more depth to me than you can possibly imagine. believe what I’m showing on the surface isn’t even half of it. . I feel at  peace when i am alone with my own thoughts .im that girl. I exist in my own space always forever fading away and receding farther and farther .many people say they see melancholy that’ll drown even Lucifer’s soul others see exuberancey that dwells within me .you can just call it ambiguity because  both opinions differ greatly. i hate when someone tries to figure me out, diagnose me , comprehend me. because Nobody can understand my mother’s pain like i do , nobody wears these scars , nobody sees me cry in the dark , they say if you’re born to a schiz most likely you will be too . I came from a motherless mother who suffered her whole Life through until one day she felt lower than low ,set herself on fire. she had 5 kids then some people may say that was selfish but in a schiz mind she’d be at peace and no longer had to suffer. They showed me what strength really is , it is not about your physical capability , but working with  what you have she knew she had a weak mind ,and voices that became her reality but she managed to still be independent help yourself and to still have that fierce tenacity one day i heard her say “I may have a mental illness but it doesn’t define me" when society categorizes it as disability i used to get offended when people said id be crazy just like my mommy but she taught me things einstein or any philosopher, professor or doctor couldn’t teach me. so the next time you criticize or question my facial expression, my motivation or future preparation or try to understand why i act the way i act know that i am a work in progress and god is not finished with me yet.

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