Cant sleep

Eyes shot

body weak

heart tired and mind exhausted 

exhausted from the games and always being given the run around

as if i was being directed to your heart. 

When in reality you had me on this long journey deep into the valley of the shadow of your wicked and crewl game.

Eyes blood shot from my hands...

from my hands wiping every tear that held the images that will never leave my mind.

My body weak from curling up every night awaiting the text or call....

you see all i wanted was to love and care... 

you wonder why i was so rude or why i was in and out of your life?..

you never turned to look at yourself and see that you are the one who put me in the revolving door.

and when it wasnt my turn it was on to the next.... 

when i didnt make you laugh ir when i upset you, you would up and leave.

i could never understand why for you this was so easy to just walk away from...

but 

here i know now what then i didn't 

It was the others that comforted you when things where hard and it was i that comforted you when you where lonely at night ....

I thought i was over you because after 4 months that we have been apart and not once have i went on a date .

not once have i had sex or " made love " like we use to 

While in our encouter you conffessed to me you have had sex over 7 times and have already had an abortion and have had over 3 boyfriends that you have told you loved....

i wonder if you realize what you do or why you do it..

When you say i love you .. is it to hear someone say it backand for that quick second actually belive and fantasize that that somebody cares for you enoughthat they want nothing more than to hold your face and kiss your lips and pull you close late at night.

but it seems like you like for someone to agressivly abuse and neglect you.

instead of abiding by your temple  the very thing you as a woman should take pride in 

you let another crumble with ease.

Is there anything different that they are doing that i didnt?

...was i not supposd to protect and guide?

...was i not to comfort and actually give a dam?!

or 

Was i to do as they do and kiss you in public, take you home and cant take a joke?

Throw shit at you maybe even grab your arm tight enought that you realize

realize that you are no longer the queen of this game but just a pawn that the so called man

you have chosen to be your king will use you as a pawn and sacrafice you for his own good.

Was i to raise my had and show you who is "boss" while we are out on the town?

Or let me think should i have raised my voice a little more?

I lay here eyes blood shot body weak and mid exhausted 

but who gives a fuck your probably asleep right now anyways.