I lay down and begin to spread my legs

I know what I do yet no emotion is involved

I tell myself its ok its only pleasure, ignoring the fact that everytime I give a piece of me away

I tell myself its ok, I'm not the only one

I lay there and pretend to moan as if I'm enjoying this body between my legs

I look into the eyes of this stranger whom was the lucky pick of the night

I lie there and lie to myself as if I'm doing no wrong

Acting like I'm enjoying the pleasure with these thoughts running through my mind

I look between my spread legs and tell myself this is what I want

My scent mixes with the scent of this unknown stranger

Enjoying the thrill of laying down with strangers so I tell myself

I tell myself we only live once making excuses for my actions

Saying I don't need help I have the solutions to all my problems yet this sweating stranger continues to feast amongst me

I lay here, thinking as this stranger does what they do, making noises here and there implying that I'm enjoying myself, yet the feelings that were kept at bay begins to plow through the barriers that I set up

I continue to lie myself until the action has been completed, losing my focus of what going on between my spread legs, looking upon this stranger face trying to remember their name or if names were ever exchange

I move my body and begin to jerk, yell, scream and moan, faking an orgasm that was never coming to this event

I look between my legs and see the mess that was made, yet it didn't come from me

I feel the breeze upon my skin leaving goose bumps in its wake, as this sweating strangers smile at me

Our skins glistening in the moonlight as we go through the same Q&A's as I always encounter with these strangers

Say our goodbyes and I rush home, to wash the scent off me, saying this'll be the last time, like time and time again before

Refusing to address what the true nature of the problem is

Knowing in the back of my mind, if I don't come to grips with the problem and find a solution there'll be too many more nights with strangers between my parted legs regardless of the event that takes place

I scrub my body, trying to rid myself of the act that happen not too long ago, lying to myself that it’s ok

I look down between my legs where many strangers have laid, telling myself what I do isn't wrong

I look into the mirror and see the shame and guilt that washes over me

Trying to convince myself its only pleasure, no ones being hurt even though I lose a piece of me every time

I close my eyes and fall to the floor; tears swell  my eyes shut as they start to fall

Pictures of strangers who have laid between my legs begin to emerge, whose names I do not know, reminding me of the many times I've laid down with strangers, hurting everyone but no one but myself

I tell myself its ok, everything will be fine, but I already know until, I healed my open wound, I'll continue to let strangers lay between my spread legs and lose a piece of my soul everytime until there’s nothing left of me

I lay down and begin to spread my legs and lose a piece of me once again