I shower twice a day

Hoping that maybe I can wash off my stubborn filth

Because every day, I look in this mirror

Only to see the mistakes that I’ve made

And the feeble body of a girl

Who is weak from the starvation of sleep.

Sleep that is a foreign concept

Because how can someone sleep

When their dreams are remnants of their old life

That is only capable of bringing tears to their eyes

And screams to their throat

Screams that cannot be muffled

By fake smiles and small talk

With people who are too oblivious

To see the pain buried inside their aortic pumps

Carrying the cold life through the lifeless body.

No one notices the despair in my eyes that are crying for someone to take away the pain

Of waking up every day

Only to wish that I hadn't.

I gasp at a facade obscuring the girl I used to know

I see the puzzle of my heart

That I continuously piece together,

From the many times it has been broken.

But every time it is almost mended,

Someone comes along and pulls it apart again

I scrutinize the mirror

In an anguished search to expose something for which to live.

But all I see, are the imperfections that

Compose a false semblance of a girl

Who does not know who she is.

Desperately, I have been trying to find a better mirror.

Yet, all the mirrors appear to be broken,

 

Just like the girl imprisoned in them.