I shower twice a day
Hoping that maybe I can wash off my stubborn filth
Because every day, I look in this mirror
Only to see the mistakes that I’ve made
And the feeble body of a girl
Who is weak from the starvation of sleep.
Sleep that is a foreign concept
Because how can someone sleep
When their dreams are remnants of their old life
That is only capable of bringing tears to their eyes
And screams to their throat
Screams that cannot be muffled
By fake smiles and small talk
With people who are too oblivious
To see the pain buried inside their aortic pumps
Carrying the cold life through the lifeless body.
No one notices the despair in my eyes that are crying for someone to take away the pain
Of waking up every day
Only to wish that I hadn't.
I gasp at a facade obscuring the girl I used to know
I see the puzzle of my heart
That I continuously piece together,
From the many times it has been broken.
But every time it is almost mended,
Someone comes along and pulls it apart again
I scrutinize the mirror
In an anguished search to expose something for which to live.
But all I see, are the imperfections that
Compose a false semblance of a girl
Who does not know who she is.
Desperately, I have been trying to find a better mirror.
Yet, all the mirrors appear to be broken,
Just like the girl imprisoned in them.