Black

Heart wounds...

i have the heart of the coldest winter,

thats broken like the cracked ditches of a deadly desert 

nobody in this world owes anyone anything.

and trust is as strong, but as delicate as a silky spiderweb,that can break a widows hard work and dedication with a quick,abrupt wind.

it was always him and me me and him.

our hearts’ beat together, with each sensuous touch, with each enduring kiss, pulsing with electrifying energy that is too much to bear

a soft song that continuously plays, and a feeling of deep desire when you leave,
unexplained in this humanly world.

I remember when, it was all new, the days were longandbeautiful,we thought we would die when the day ended, because we had to part.

forsixteenmonths we loved so deeply, our souls opened and intertwined. 

We’ve learned so much; how to love, how to share, to be generous , to feel pure bliss, how to think how you think and to understand, to respect, to bring pleasure, to support, how to defend, how to hurt one another, how to make love, how to feel like dying when we were apart for so long.
..

and then a change.

 i feel a different energy that is not mine or his

he gave me red  shoes that , belong to someone else, that didn't belong to this ladie's feet

 
that he bought me a bag he say is vintage, i learn later as a hand-me-down from the woman  i am feeling off of him,

i love to love him but he says i said  it too much

cry until the wounds are bare enough to wear
 
behind a smile to the world i declare
 
my father ignoring my call for help
my brother finds me weak and annoying
my mother scolds me for having sex
 
i find solitude in the humbleness that is alone
that it is my fault
 
high on shrooms, i find im on a bad trip
no sleep, no eat
knowing i have a few months left of senior year of highschool
i can get through this, my grades are good enough to get into college
 
next to mahogony skin, deep in brooklyn
bruises trail thigh, busted lip
scratch neck i feel the drip
hennesy i wet pat my black  eye
 
laying in bed, satisfy
numb dying inside, ripped stockings and school skirt folded
naked i lay next to him, as he grinds his teeth in sleep.
 
hair smell of weed
 
i leave my phone in the garbage next to gold wrappers
i get up to shower, empty stomach i leave in the early morning for class
 
duane reade plan b for free
 
switch
smile to the world for all to see
 
hold inside 
 
4 years later earn privaledge to cry
 
part of a people that refuse to die
 
Guide that inspired this poem: 

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