(In memory of Farrah)

 

Every day I hear the thunder clap.

1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 4 Mississippi,

I count the seconds until the lightning flashes.

I hear the pit-pat-pat on the rooftops,

But I don’t listen.

All I can do is wait for the thunder and lightning,

Wait for it to get closer.

 

Every second, the lightning races all around us,

Getting closer.

We don’t see it all the time, but it’s there.

When you’re a kid, you don’t think it’s real.

I mean, sure, you’ve heard of it,

But you don’t believe it until you see it.

 

At first you only see it from a distance,

Striking a celebrity or a distant relative.

And you shudder, but you don’t count the seconds between it and the thunder.

You think the lightning is still a long way off.

You don’t know that your days are numbered.

 

1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi.

The next time it hits, it’s closer.

Just close enough that everyone around you is in a panic.

This time it strikes someone you’ve met. 

Someone you knew,

Someone whose voice you can still hear inside of your head.

You know it’s real, but you can’t process it.

You still expect to run into her in the hallway or the library.

 

Every minute, the lightning is getting closer.

It’s easy to forget about it when it doesn’t hit close.

But once you’ve seen it, you can’t erase it completely.

It’s lurking in the back of your mind, because you can’t help but think:

How long before it hits my brother? 

My sister?

My best friends?

My parents?

Me?

 

Clap.

1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi.

A flash of light.

The clouds are gone, but the lightning never rests.

You never know when it’s going to strike next,

But it’s there.

It’s the thing that makes you walk a little slower, think a little clearer,

And speak a little more carefully.

 

I know it’s coming for me,

For everyone I love,

For all of us. 

But I can’t just stay inside and hide because I’m afraid of being struck.

I can’t hide my head under the covers and wait for the thunder to quiet.

One day I’ll face the lightning.

And when I do,

I won’t scream or run or fight.

I’ll look up and face it,

And I’ll step into the light.