Every single day for over a year

I would text you daily to make sure you hear

Goodmorning, goodnight, 

You’re beautiful, sleep tight

I could tell something changed a few months in

Right when I moved something seemed off

Which is weird because I was closer to you now, so it should be a good thing

However it seemed like now my love for you just made you scoff

I never really understood what the difference was, even to this day

It still doesn’t make sense even after that day

I caught you talking to someone else behind my back

This was even before I moved that you started this lack

Of love of affection of overall faithfulness 

Unbeknownst to me, your love I deeply missed

Your attention was limited & you said it’s just work

That went on for months before I finally broke down because it hurt

I cried for attention, just wanting to feel loved by you

You kept telling me you didn’t know why it had changed, but the whole time you knew

That you were hiding another man from me, telling us both you loved us

I always trusted you though never thought to look at your phone

It was never blowing up so i just left it alone

When I said I fully trusted you, I meant that

Now it seems foolish of me when I look back

You don’t know how to be in a relationship, you’ve always been self serving

I just really didn’t think you would do something so drastic just to hurt me

I don’t blame you for thinking there’s a perfect person, or for even being self serving

You don’t know what you don’t know & that’s okay

What I DO blame you for is lying to my face

You DO know lying to someone you love is wrong

Just look at how you feel when you lie to your mom

You put up with it because you get to actually BE with me

But lying to me for someone you don’t even see?

Don’t even FaceTime or talk on the phone, the only thing you do is read meaningless words on a screen?

That’s the part that makes absolutely no sense to me

You gained nothing at all from lying to me, not even a single touch

You even admitted that I was more available to you just over text, not even counting the obvious in person crutch

You say your love language is physical touch but you didn’t make that apparent in this

Or maybe you did because I’m the one who got the short end of the stick

You used me to fulfill your needs both emotional & physical

That makes me still wonder though what did he give you that I didn’t give you

It’s okay though, I don’t really care at this point at all

I fully gave myself to you but I know that that was my downfall

I’m too soft with you because I never took my time after my last one

To heal myself & get back to the masculine

version of me that I used to be

I fell right into you and was too soft at the time & you kept me that way

Not really your fault but that’s just how it is

If I was more rigid & firm in my ways, we might not even be here

It still doesn’t make sense to me how YOU wanted space away from me

After YOU got found out that YOU were cheating on ME

It’s okay though because that space is something that I really need

That space away from you allowed me to see

That maybe I should back off and not be so attached to you

I’ve been so captivated by you that I’m blind to the reality

That you don’t truly want me & I’m just trying too hard for a fantasy

If you actually do want me, I think it’s time that you show it

So I’m going to let you take the reigns in this moment

I’ve been the one chasing after you the entire time

Not even realizing I was speeding down a street with a “wrong way” sign

You said you didn’t like me from day one & it was just because you have the brain of a kid

But it seems like you kept reiterating that the whole time so you could do what you did

You knew what you were doing so you would reiterate what you didn’t like

So that the whole time you were lying to me you wouldn’t feel the bite

Of pain that you should when you hurt someone you love 

“I told you” is your favorite quote, it’s like a drug

But you know what you did was wrong, you just want to soften the blow to YOURSELF so you don’t feel so small like a bug

Lying to me, killing me inside, you know it’s not right

You just didn’t want to feel the conviction of yourself wronging a good person out of spite

If you actually do feel bad about what you did being wrong

I hope you start to do better & correct your wrongs

If you love me like you claim to, although you seem to easily love alot of people so I don’t know how true that love is

I hope you’ll take the effort that you know I would take to clean up something like this

I love you, but when I say it it isn’t just a phrase

I mean it with my heart and in so many ways

For you it seems like just words with no meaning

If you TRULY loved someone you wouldn’t leave their heart screaming

You would build them up & care for them

The same way you see ME do for YOU, when you have problems I’m the only man who’s right there trying to fix them

The others don’t fix you they just pass time or want to sleep with you

That’s something I can tell you, but I don’t think you’ll hear, even if my face is blue

We’ll see what happens moving forward

If you sit down & truly discover the meaning of love

You’ll see the difference in me & others & how your partner should always be the one above

Maybe you’ll actually work to make it up

However, If not, I just wish you luck