Being Sad On a Tuesday Night
Location
I stand in plane sight, visible to all, yet never seen.
Stationary, unmoving, unchanging, I watch the world morph
It turns into something unrecognizable
I'm a stranger in my own home.
I belong, nowhere.
Imprisoned in a world I'm no longer a part of
A visitor to a place that greets me with unwelcoming arms
Gripping, squeezing, organs oozing, blood dripping, tears streaming
Each day, pushed further from acceptance,
Sequestered, squandered, ignored.
A tidal wave of emotion,
Trapped between two poles.
Pulled and stretched by equal and opposite forces.
Until.. I.. Snap
Repeated blows to the head,
Knocked and kicked and abused by love
I try to stand my ground
But how do you stand your ground when the ground is crumbling?
The floor vanishes, the world, a pit.
No control, visions of death and his family.
Clutching to whatever or whomever is near,
Trying to slow, trying to stabilize.
Lift me up, pull you down,
Similarities frighten, the unknown is the only constant
Two variables make for excitement but never for results.
The sand in my toes, the waves in my ears, the voices in my head.
Swimming, drowning, is there a difference?
Overwhelmed by water, overwhelmed by those around me.
Suffocation.
Affixation.
It's always only been me and you.
It's always only been me.
Standing,
sitting,
laying,
lying,
dying.