Behind My Curtain

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You asked me to show you, what is underneath,

Beyond the Hard Shell, there is grief.

I have lost so much in recent months,

My Aunt and My Grandma, and a Crush on the hunt.

My crush did not die, nor wither away,

I fell head over heals and he rejected me, much to my dismay,

He was the first big one of my young life,

And now all I can do is be filled with strife.

Why is love so hard? Why is it not fair?

Love ripped out my heart, and threw it God knows where.

Even beyond that, if you dig deeper within,

You’ll find a small boy, just trying to fit in.

I know what you're thinking, that that's so cliché,

A boy in a teen, theres really no way!

I was bullied when I was young, and I was never cool,

It was hell, and my bullies and I dueled.

All I ever wanted was not to be the stutterer who hangs with teachers,

But even those lessons stay with me like those of a preacher.

Dig deeper down and you’ll reach my core,

If it was a gradient it would look like war.

My core is greytones, spots of white and spots of black,

There is something within me, something that keeps me back.

I am not perfect, in fact that farthest from the truth,

But I try to do what is right, Try to be a good youth.

All of my dreams and aspirations are there too,

Things like having a mate, and children I hope will come through.

But there is things that I wish weren't there too,

Sometimes I wish I weren't bi, Sometimes I wish the lie was true.

But overall my love is clear, I love my life and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

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