As I stand behind this curtain

I can see them

I see them

While I am here behind this cold cloak

they are out there

there in the open

And I watch them from my pedestal

behind this thick cold cloak

behind this curtain, I am.

They play

laugh amongst each other

letting their spirits run free

free

invading the space

spreading

consuming the open

and I am here

watching

behind this armor

behind the curtain, I am.

Some call

some call for me

call me in their sweet persuading voices

that kiss the air and tickle my ears

so I can go out with them

but I call them off 

I hide behind this armor

I refuse and let them be

from fear I hide

the fear consumes me

like a beast

hungry and devouring its prey

but then I stop and think 

what if?

what if they knew the girl behind this?

behind this thick cold cloak?

behind this hard metal armor?

would they have mercy?

would they accept her?

the girl that cries like them

bleeds like them

is sensitive like them

the girl who has troubles

who has nightmares

waking up with cold sweats

suffocating

gasping

searching for air

would they accept her?

would they?

or would they refuse?

would they be disgusted?

and send her back?

As I think of this

the fear

it comes back

pouncing

ripping through my stomach

invading each inch within me

And then I decide again

No

stay behind the curtain

keep the illusion

then again

behind the curtain, I am.