Because of You

Because of YouBy: Serena Scott You know, I have a lot to thank you for, As well as a lot to hate you for.  Because of you,  I now know what it really means to say, "I love you." Because before, With you, I didn't.   But now,  With him, I'm the happiest, I've ever been.   Because of you, I broke myself into one million tiny,  Unrecognizable pieces, And learned to put myself, Back together again.  Because of you, I learned how to say,  "I love you,"  To someone else, Who really deserved it.  Because of you,  I learned to appreciate, Every single thing, About that special person.   With you, I had to fight, For just a second of your attention.  I couldn't even get, A single hello, Or a sideways glance, Without having to offer you up, A part of myself in return.  My lips forgot, What it meant to smile, After a little while.   With him,  I can't get him to stop,  Asking me how my day was, Even if I wanted to.  I'm constantly being teased, About silly things that make me laugh, And we playfully bicker together, Like little kids.  And a smile never leaves my face.   With you, You always told me it was my fault, For how bad you would always feel.  It was my fault that you felt down, Or stressed, Or any sort of negative emotion.  To you, I was just a scapegoat, For all of your problems, And your negative feelings.  To you,  Everything you did wrong, Was always my fault, Because you couldn't possibly, Ever see any fault in yourself.  With him,  I get an enchanting smile, Every time he looks at me.  I can see myself, Reflected in his eyes, And I can't help but smile, As he says, "Talking to you instantly makes my day better." I never knew, That I could have such an effect on a person,  Or that such a person, Could have quite the effect on me.   With you, I was, "A waste of space." "Damaged goods." "Unlovable, and not wort it." You made sure to remind me every single day.  You made me scared to leave, So I stayed, For three miserable years.  Even though your words felt like a poison, Slowly suffocating me, I stayed anyways, Because I thought that I loved you. But really,  I just didn't know any better.  With him,  I can't seem to get the silly dork to shut up,  About all of the embarrassingly flattering things, That he seems to blurt out, Whenever he sees me.  My face gets so red, Every time I hear, "Your smile is all I look forward to in a day,"  And, "You have the best laugh I've ever heard." I get so jittery and flustered, Unsure of how to accept such compliments. It's not like I ever learned how to before.   With you, I never dared to make the move,  To hold your hand first,  Because I knew, Unless you wanted to, It was never going to happen.  I knew, That every time I reached out to you, You would just pull away.  You only ever reached out to me, Just before I completely dissolved into the darkness, Only to pull me out just enough,  To keep my head above the water. And then you would turn your back to me, And not give a single care in the world, As you let me continue to drown again.  With him,  There is never a single moment that he does not want, To hold my hand.  I can hold his hand first, And this time, I don't flinch, Like I used to do, Around you.  I can hug him whenever I want, Fully knowing, That my love will instantly be returned, And I'll get a little laugh from him, Followed by a, "That was random. What's this for?" And all my heart can think to say is, "Because I love you! And thank you for loving me in return." There is no such thing as darkness when I'm with him.  He's so infuriatingly bright and happy, That his smile is almost blinding to look at. But I'd much rather go blind by light, Than to never get to use my eyes surrounded by darkness.   With you, I was constantly ignored.  I never knew,  If you were okay, Because you never seemed to think, It was necessary, To give me the time of day.  Your phone would have several missed messages from me, Which you would never see, Because all you ever did, Was press delete.  With him, It's kind of funny, Just how bad he is, At answering his phone.  Whenever one of my texts goes unanswered, As soon as he sees it, I recieve a hilariously apologetic response, Which is always followed by me laughing and exclaiming, "It's okay! I know you're busy!" To which he tends to reply, "But that's no excuse for me not replying to you sooner!" I tell him he's an idiot all the time, And that I know he does the best he can, But he still tends to feel bad whenever he sees, That I've tried to call him, And he missed me just by a minute.  He's gotten so much better, At talking to me more, And unlike you, He enjoys seeing me, And listening to what I have to say.    With you, I was never allowed to make decisions on my own.  I was incapable, Of talking to, Anyone but you, Because according to you, My opinions meant nothing, And no one would want to listen.  You helped me push away, Every friend I had,  And you convinced me, That you were all I needed.  And then, As I was left with no one other than you, After a long three years,  I came to the earth-shattering realization,  That I never even had you to begin with.  With him, I'm constantly encouraged, To spend time with my friends, And he will make any excuse, To bring me along, To spend time with him and his goofy ones.  I'm never alone, And I'm constantly kept entertained, By the silly, Smiling people, He has taught me, To welcome into my life, With open arms.   With you, I had nothing of value, To bring to the table.  All of my artwork, Was stupid, And would never get me anywhere.  It was all stupid, Unimpressive, A waste of both my time and yours, And you found me embarrassing to be with, Because of it.  With him, All I get is, "Wow! You're insanely talented!" And, "Why don't you try selling this stuff? It's amazing!" He does not find it embarrassing to be with me,  Just because I'm an artist,  And for the first time in forever, I've felt appreciated, And worth something.  My faith in myself,  Has never been higher.   With you,  I was not allowed to be myself, Because whenever I was, You did not like what you saw. I was not allowed, To voice any of my opinions, Because they were immediately, Deemed unimportant, And insignificant.  I myself was irrelivant, And to you, I was your creation.  I was not myself,  But merely a shell of a person, And a figment of your imagination.  I was what you made me to be.  With him, I can laugh and smile as much as I want.  He's always interested in what I have to say, And what I think.  He's constantly conscious, Of my thoughts, And my feelings.  Whenever a piece of myself, Escapes my lips, He just looks at me with a bewildered smile and says,  "I love you!"  With you, You always told me, That I could leave whenever I wanted, But I had to know, That other than you, No one else, Would possibly ever want, To love me.  After all, According to you, All I was, Was damaged goods.  I was, Just the shell of a person, And the idea of me that you sculpted, Over the course of three years.  I thought about leaving many times, But you told me this every time I tried, And I was just too scared.  And in the end,  The sad part is, I never did work up the courage to leave you.  In the end,  You finally got tired of me, And you were the one who left.  Several years went by, And I never dared, To even look at another man.  I was so scared,  Of being hurt like that again. So my solution, Was to never love again.  And then, Along one day came him.  With him, I never stop smiling.  I'm free to laugh, Free to cry,  And free to just feel.  With him,  I've never felt happier in my entire life.  I'm appreciated,  And loved, And reminded of all this every day.  He only ever looks at me with a smile, And he practically jumps up and down, Every time he sees me, Because he can't contain his excitement.  I've never felt, So safe and secure, With another person.  I walk alongside him, With our hands intertwined, And he gives me the strength, To conquer each day.  All I can ever think about, Is how I'm so excited, To spend the rest of our days together, And I look forward to the day, That we finally wear the rings to prove it.  With him, I learned what it really meant to say, "Because I love you."  Because with you, I don't know what it was we had, But it certainly wasn't love.  I know that now,  Because now,  I have him.   So I have a lot to thank you for, As well as a lot to hate you for. But because of you... I met him.  And because of you,  I was ready to appreciate love, The second he first walked up to me, Smiled and said,  "Hello! It's nice to meet you." My resolve and determination, To never love again, Shattered the moment I saw, That one in a million smile.  And all I could think to myself was, "Oh no. I blew it."

This poem is about: 
Me

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