With a blanket wrapped around me

I wake up

The security of the warm, slept in bed

I rip myself from it

Each morning is a chore

Faced with the threat of humiliation

And panic attacks

I continue this chore

Because I have to.

Hot water streams in the only place of solitude

I step into it

Cleaning away the dirt and grime of yesterday

I pretend

Wash away the dirt of my flaws

I’m alone with my thoughts and self

And make believe I'm who I want to be

I step out

Because I have to

There are mountains of laundry

I get dressed

Nothing fits; it’s all dirty

I put it on

The clothes don’t fall right

You can see every bodily flaw

Tugging and pulling at clothes too tight

I wear them anyway

Because I have to

The time is announced

I have to leave

The threat of anxiety looming over my head

I walk out the door

Too afraid to ask for help

Too embarrassed to talk to people

Hidden in the back corners of the room

I keep to myself

Because I have to

I wish it weren’t like this

I’d give anything to follow my dreams

To be confident with myself

I hope, I pray, I plead

It’s a dream, a long shot

I know that

But it gives me hope

I hold onto it

Because I have to