To be aware is what kills me

one moment I'm feeling everything in a speed that contains all my thoughts

then next

its like a net let loose and everything is flowing out

 

I'd lock eye contact with that single object in the flood.

Something that would remind of how small I actually am.

As the world around me continues to flow faster than I can keep up

 

It's these weird awakenings that happen ever so often

these awakenings make my emotions switch into something I actually feel instead of something I have to learn how to acknowledge

Or is this what being bipolar is?

Because I am

 

Is being bipolar become so self aware that you know exactly each pinpoint of your trauma in the brain

the trauma of pain and healing that was never done

the awareness that you actually exist and have to sit through life

hoping that all of it would speed by faster than you can blink

 

you'd love for the good times to last forever

and that's why everyone says let's just skip to the good part

because everyone knows 

that it's the inbetween

which causes the pain and numbness which wont feel around the good memories

-art