Ask Me How
Ask me how I hide behind a curtain,
I could tell you about the time I spent in a closet
About how I was so far deep even I didn't know I was there for a while
It's a great place to be when you're five and playing hide-and-seek
Not so much when you're fifteen and struggling to fit in
And when I finally emerged and embraced it
I was met with more backlash than I'd hoped
And honestly once you open the door you can't go back
No matter how much you try to
Because everyone knows that hiding spot now
And that's the first place they look for you.
Ask me how I hide behind a curtain,
I could tell you about the time I spent wearing a mask
How I learned that those masks in the theatre make good disguises
Comedy and tragedy
Believe me, when you are the tragedy mask you can wear the comedy mask
But fake smiles only get you so far when your true feelings shine in the tears you refuse to let fall
And when your heart is as broken as your home
And when everyone is telling you that you're the man of the house now
And nobody listens when you scream that you're only thirteen and why the fuck are you the one having to bear the burden
So you have to grow up faster than you're supposed to
And face the consequences if you don't.
Ask me how I hide behind a curtain,
I could tell you about the time I spent building walls around myself
Hoping nobody would try to find a way around them
Because when you lose friends as fast as I did
You learn to stop making them altogether
Because it's easier to shut people out
And pretend to be cold and heartless
Than to let people into your life only to watch them leave
And you learn to deal with the pain of loneliness
Because maybe some people stayed while you were building the walls
And still see you for who you really are
And you're lucky for them
Because they know you and choose to stay anyway
And you hold onto them for dear life
While everyone outside the wall wonders how they got in
Or wonders why they remain in what looks like a prison.
Ask me how I hide behind a curtain,
And I'll tell you that I never really did
I chose to hide behind everything else
Because I was fragile and broken and scared
And I needed more than just a flimsy piece of fabric to shield myself with.