i've given up on skipped breakfasts and hurrying out the door before giving my mother a kiss

this is a short life

i've seen 19 summers and sometimes it feels like too many

sometimes i feel like this life is a dream, and i'm glad, because who would want to face the realities of a world where

i can't love him as much as he loves me?

sometimes at night when the sky is clear, and the air is humid, and i want to step outside my body,

i'll lay in the middle of the yard and stare at the stars for as long as i can to see if the world really is spinning as much as my head is

i'll grip to the soil and push my body to the earth, and try to forget how small i am

sometimes if i lay there for long enough, my eyes will begin to strain, but i can clearly see that the earth is, in fact, spinning (just not as much as my head)

and some of the stars remind me of myself, because even though you can see them, they are already gone

and the light can't travel fast enough for him to understand that i'm not capable of love

and maybe i never will be