ARE YOU OKAY??

It seems like everyone that come my way stops and asks me, Are you okay? You don't seem like yourself today.I want to say well I dont even know who i am anyways. I want to say something witty something quick something to make them feel silly for asking one of my most hated questions, but I cant The word fine causes fault lines.They see the cracks on my face and any minute the tears will start to leak out.But I swallow hard and push back.And normally I carry on feeling alright but this time I feel like Im selling the world and myself a huge lie, when I nod my head and plaster a smile My heart cries, and because of people keep asking and me having no way of answering im beginning to ask myself are you okay? Am I okay ?? The answer is NO! ive been sad most days, I lay awake at night dreading ever leaving my bed wishing I can just end time and stay beneath my forcefield of sheets, until Im ready to face the world.I dont feel BEAUTIFUL or SMART, or PROUD of what Ive achieved so far I was happy when I was doing things, always searching for something new Now I feel trapped, a failure, broken .I spend my days working for a better future I have more than enough poems to write my own anthology I had such dreams of going to college being something greater in life Maybe Im depressed because Im alone or miserable, or maybe its the people; me being burnt out by all these fake faces, the smiles, the laughter. I swear I wear my happiness on my sleeve and store my sorrow in my heart. I never wanted anyone to believe that I was unhappy.Maybe its hereditary my depression. From when I was old enough to know what death was I started planing my own suicide I felt like I was too fragile, too emotional for my own time, my own life.Maybe this is just a mental state or Im insane. But please dont prescribe me with another bottle of pills, before Im honestly able to say that Im Not Okay. and for me not knowing how to channel my emotions makes me feel like an alien beneath my own skin. All I want to do is write and make the world a better place with my own words, i want to make people smile, but these days my face is too tired to smile back, I want to be that happy go lucky carefree girl that everyone thinks and wants me to be. But at the same time I want to be authentic to who I really am. THAT WAS WHO I USED TO BE AND I AM FOREVER CHANGING I think maybe all I need right now is a warm hug and a kiss on the forehead....BUT IF SOMEONE STOPS AND ASKS ME ARE YOU OKAY, WITH NO sarcasm ILL ANSWER, YES I AM OKAY

This poem is about: 
Me

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741