Up, up, and away searching for that thrill,
Don't know where to find it relying on the pills.
All I need is one more high to get me through my day,
Oops here we are again huffing on spray paint.
No more money what do what do?
"Hey babe twenty bucks and i'll sleep with you."
Letters from my family guilt trips guilt trips,
Using that twenty bucks, real trips real trips.
Coming home high again mommas drunk and pissed,
She goes upstairs and claims she doesn’t want to see my face.
Sitting in my room depressed and disturbed,
Pulling out the razor blades making more art work.
Someone out there kill me please,
There’s nothing left here but a druggie.
At my window smoking pot,
Knowing deep down that it’s all my fault.
That high was pathetic,
Let’s try some synthetic.
I'm destroying myself
But who gives a fuck?
I know I’m going to hell might as well go down high,
They keep telling me to stop and I don’t know why.
They never cared before so why are the starting now?
And even if I wanted to I wouldn’t know how.
They don’t know shit about me or what I’ve been through,
They don’t understand the shit I got myself into.
Stealing money from my momma’s purse it’s no big deal,
Talking to my homies, just keeping it real.
Realizing that I don’t know what to say,
When I come home, and momma knows its missing.
I’m sorry momma I know you can’t trust your baby,
Possibly one day I’ll change it maybe.
Walking the streets again high off of kite,
Occasionally diving into traffic, trying to take my life.
Invited to another party should I go?
Something else happens I don’t want anyone to know.
I snuck out and went after that guy,
Got the police called arrested for a knife fight.
Goddamn what’s momma going to think?
I know for sure she’s going to send me to the clink.
First time behind locked doors scared the hell out of me,
But once I got out I was back to my routine.
Seems like no one can help me, and I admit,
I haven’t helped them help me a bit.
But what the hell am I suppose to do?
Sit here and feel? I don’t think so.
I want my fucking drugs, I’m tired of crying.
No, it’s time to stop, its time to start trying.
Try for my family, who want the best for me,
Try for the few friends who actually care for my well being.
Try for my boo who also struggles,
And maybe to him, I’ll be a better role model.
I need to get my shit together and here’s how,
I just got to think,”I feel better now.”
I’ve been clean for eleven months,
I’m in treatment and I’m getting help now.
I’ve gotten close to god and I’ve asked him for forgiveness,
I’m free from all the drugs and I’m cleaning up my mess.
I apologized to mom and said, “I want to change.”
She said, “Baby your forgiven, it’s not the past its today.”