Always In Fear of Dying Syndrome

“Is it only the flu?”
“Will I be well soon?”
“Is this a brutal killer?”
“Will it destroy me from the inside out?”

Counting the days you have left
Until you fall asleep for good
Wishing the painful days
Would stop crawling by in spite
Hoping life will give you a break
From the sickness that clings to your veins

“How could he do this to me?”
“Why wasn’t I warned?”
“Which needle pierced me with this fate?”
“Should my mother be the one to blame?”

An infection of the soul
It makes your emotions ill
An infection of the heart
It leaves you reluctant to trust
The infection whispers in your ear
“You won’t live to see tomorrow.”

Are you truly alone?
Or are there angels holding you close?
Do these angels live on the other side?
Or do they dwell in your thoughts?
Disease…
A toxic significant other
Cancer…
A pestering, nearby relative
Death…
A belittling older brother

Crying for a second chance
As you lay in a hospital bed
The tubes caress your skin
As friends gaze with flooding eyes

Love…
“Am I allowed this luxury?”
Hope…
“Is there a point to this theory?”
Faith…
“Do I deserve to have any?”

“Will I forever be afflicted with…
Always-in-fear-of-dying syndrome?”

Guide that inspired this poem: 

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